Current list of worries
I read a great article in the New York Times Magazine over the weekend called, "So the Torah Is a Parenting Guide?". Aside from useful advice on not putting too much pressure on children and teaching them basic manners, the proponent of Torah-style parenting advocated limiting worrying to 20 minutes per day.
For the last couple of days, I have actively tried to identify my Jonah-related worries. Here they are in no particular order:
1. Is he too friendly? He throws himself into the arms of most adults within a short period of knowing them (or, in the case of Asian women, without ever having met them).
2. Although he seems well adjusted at the moment, will he become a drug addict and/or a serial killer as a result of: (a) living on Commercial Drive; (b) Dan and I both working full-time; (c) having few if any tantrums as a toddler, thereby waiting until he is a teenager to assert his independence and drive us bananas; (d) his being a vegetarian; or (e) both Dan and I being Type-A? (Before you provide any words of wisdom, please keep in mind that he likes to put my (clean) underwear on his head.)
3. While I am pleased to have a progressive male child, is it a problem that a lot of people think he is a girl? His name ends with an "a" sound; he has long hair; he is very attached to his doll, Paul. Should I cut his hair?
3(b). Does my worry in 3 above indicate that I am actually not progressive at all, meaning that I will send mixed messages to Jonah about all sorts of values, meaning that he may become a drug addict and/or a serial killer?
4. He still has eczema behind his knees.
5. How can he possibly not like tomatoes??
6. He does know that we love him like crazy, right? But then, does he also know about his responsibilities to be a good citizen and contribute to society and, for pete's sake, to let me brush his hair?
7. My god, could he know that we are making up this parenting thing as we go along??!
Gak. If you could please provide YOUR worries, I'd feel a lot better!
(photo credit for the picture of Jonah, Sam and Rian goes to Kris)
posted by Libby @ 10:02 AM
13 Comments:
At 2:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
In that photo, I don't think he looks like a girl so much as a member of Spinal Tap. hee!
At 3:08 PM,
Tammy said…
Yay! Someone has broken the blog silence, and how fitting that it should be a post about worries, since it feels like worrying is all I do these days.
But before I list my own, let me just say that I love Jonah's hair, and anyone who thinks Jonah is a girl's name is a moron. And while you may be Type A, you're NICE Type A, not coke-sniffin' stockbroker Type A. There's a difference.
Okay. Worries. Well, actually, I have way fewer now than I did a year ago, when I thought I had the grouchiest baby alive, which must surely mean that I'm a bad mother. Fortunately, Sam's cheered up, which leads me, however, to my first worry:
1. Why am I so obsessed with Sam's happiness? Am I going to be one of those Marge Simpson moms (like my own mom, actually) whose kids feel they have to pretend to be happy all the time?
2. Will he ever EVER sleep through the night on a consistent basis? What did I do wrong in those formative months? And dear lord, will I do the same thing(s) wrong if/when I have another baby? Speaking of which...
3. Another baby! Gaaaaah!
4. Apparently, being a parent gets harder, not easier, as kids get older. This alarms me more than a little bit.
5. Hair. Will Sam ever grow some? Don't get me wrong -- I think he's cute as a button as he is, but at what age will his nigh-baldness become a source of mockery among his peers?
That's all for now. But you'll hear from me again, because I've definitely got more.
At 7:33 PM,
Libby said…
Tara, now that you mention it, I can totally see "Spinal Tap Groupie" in Jonah! I guess that answers the question about whether he'll become a drug addict...
Dopp, I echo many of your concerns (especially the "another baby??!" one). Fwiw, a couple of friends of mine have kids who all of a sudden started sleeping through the night like it was a total no-brainer. Maybe that will happen with Sam, too?
At 9:07 PM,
Anne-Marie said…
1. Where did this refusal to fall asleep without mom or dad in the room come from, all of a sudden? Am I making it worse by staying in the room with him, thus ensuring that he'll get used to it or, do I make it worse by letting him scream it out????
2. Is he getting enough milk? He's nowhere near the amounts suggested but how the hell do you get such a little person to drink so much liquids?
3. Why doesn't he talk yet? He's never said 'mama' or 'dada', has uttered a few 'words' like but still just mumbles away in his own language. Where are these 5-10 words he's supposed to have?
4. Is he going to hate me for not teaching him French?
5. Is a dinner of meatballs, cheddar bunnies and deli meats ok for a 17 month-old? What if I throw in some tofu dog?
6. Are his low APGAR scores (3, 6, 9) any indication to his future grades?
7. Will Sam be bullied? What will he do if someone pushes him and I'm not there? Will he know how to fight back when needed? Will I be able to contain my rage when someone takes his toy or picks on him?
8. Does he wonder where I am when the babysitter picks him up? Does he think I've left him for good?
And the baby thing? I'm just finally starting to see out of the fog... don't get me started on the baby thing.
At 10:20 PM,
Tammy said…
6. Are his low APGAR scores (3, 6, 9) any indication to his future grades?
Oh my god. I don't even KNOW Sam's APGAR scores. I'm a bad mom!
At 10:25 PM,
Tammy said…
And, um, what's an APGAR score?
At 10:57 AM,
Joanne said…
APGAR? The tests they do when the baby's first born? I think they want a 'hale, hearty cry' and ... um... I think maybe they measure color? I can't remember. I know for sure that my Anthony had a HECK of a cry that didn't stop for 16 weeks.
People are always taking my boy for a girl - ALWAYS - even if he's in blue, wearing a butch hat, and has his penis swinging. Well. I don't know about the last, but everything else. I tell him it's because he's so pretty.
I worry mostly that something will happen to him - he is into everything and loves danger and runs away from me every chance he has. I worry that he will fall from a great height. I worry that I cannot imagine him any older than he is, I can't picture him as a 2, 3, 18, or 50 year old. Can other mothers, I wonder?
And oh my Lord, another baby. I just can't imagine how we would do it. I'd have to hire a nurse, I swear. I worry that I'm really bad at being a mother.
At 11:36 AM,
Libby said…
Joanne, I love the part about how your boy is mistaken for a girl even where it is VERY obvious that he isn't one. I have a neighbour who insists that Jonah is a girl -- even on those occasions that he is running around naked! Mind you, she is over 80 and a tiny bit on the senile side...
AM, I was actually blown away this week by how much Sam is gabbing. He had so much to say, particularly to Margaret (the bird).
At 1:19 PM,
Melissa said…
Let's see...
1) Am I isolating her? She doesn't like other kids very much.
2) Am I ruining her brain development by letting her watch Signing Time every day?
3) Does the fact that she randomly smelled like maple syrup the other night mean that she has some insane metabolic disorder? (As a newborn she was screened for the actual metabolic disorder for which this is an actual symptom, but the worries, they are not logical.)
4) Is she going to turn into some freaky math genius like her father and leave me in the dust?
5) Another baby? Gaaaaah! Or, how am I ever going to handle a spunky toddler who already likes to shake her head no at me AND a newborn? (Not pregnant, just thinking about it.)
That's all I can think of for now. Also, upon reflection, I like how I worry both that I'm making her dumb and that she'll be too smart for me.
At 1:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well, I know nothing about parenting (eek) but I think Jonah's hair is adorable. And I only started eating tomatoes at the age of 30, so I wouldn't worry too much about that one (unless you think the lack of tomatoes has done me irrepairable damage in some way).
At 1:56 PM,
Anne-Marie said…
Yeah APGAR scores are based on things like colour, muscle tone, reflexes, heartrate and breathing but don't quote me on that. It's out of 10, done at 1 minute and 5 minutes and 10 minutes if warranted. Most babes get 'scores' of 9 out of 10 at both 1 minute and 5 minutes -- so you can see why Sam's low scores of 3, 6 & 9 make me worry....
And good to see that Sam's chatting up the bird. Maybe they can understand him!
At 2:28 PM,
Libby said…
Well, Shona, I wasn't going to say anything... (wink)
AM, I do remember reading somewhere that AGPAR scores aren't an indicator of future abilities. Plus Sam is smart as a whip, and clearly compassionate towards troubled creatures (such as Margaret).
At 6:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dopp, if it helps, I didn't have more hair than Sam does now until I was well over two -- same with my sister. And now my hair is thick as fishing wire, so maybe that means Sam is going to end up with a big old head of Jason Bateman/Jeff Bridges hair.
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