Bored Housewives Network

Getting through the day, one bonbon at a time.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Is your toddler...?

Is your toddler... obsessed with the story Jack and the Beanstalk (but secretly you don't mind, because now you can always get him to eat beans by telling him they're magical)?

Does your toddler... refuse to call his or her father "Daddy", "Papa" or even the more distinguished "Pater", instead choosing to refer to him as "White Guy" (or "Blue Guy" or "Red Guy" or "Black Guy", depending on the colour of his shirt)?

Does your toddler... hold treats temptingly close to the dog's face and then say loudly, "No Dobbs, that's Sam's cracker!"

Is your toddler... impervious to your frequent slips into full-on swearing, except for that one time you said "Oh my!" which has now become his or her favourite exclamation?

Does your toddler... make the fakest laugh imaginable every time you point out that something is funny?

Does your toddler... know they can sucker you into letting them use markers if they ask you if they can "Use mawkahs make cawd foy Mummy?" (Translation: Use markers to make a card for Mummy?)

Speaking of which... does your toddler call you "Mummy"? Because suddenly you're either British or you've been locked up in a sarcophagus for three thousand years?

Is your toddler... cracking you up daily with new tricks? Share!


  • At 6:56 PM, Blogger landismom said…

    Oh, the toddler moment. Such a great moment!

    And yet so terrifying, at the same time...

  • At 9:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh, yes, oh yes. I am in love with toddlerhood, even with the occasional tantrums and unprecented stubborness.

    Here are a couple of Jonah's funny toddler quirks:

    - he is keen to figure out humour. For example, over a recent heartfelt conversation on the love we have for various friends and family members, Jonah exclaimed that "Daddy loves sheep", then looked at me deadpan and said, "that's funny!"

    - oh boy does he repeat! Thankfully, no profanities (yet! and why?). One of the tricks I learned in "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by (my boyfriend) Dr. Karp, is to insert a little stability by letting toddlers know what was going to happen next. Jonah seems to like this, and has seized control by contributing to the itinerary: "go to potty (play toys), have breakfast (play trains), get dressed (sing songs)." (The bracketed info is all J)

    PS - *love* that he calls John "Red Guy", etc. Good one, Sam! As if there was any doubt, this kid clearly is a chip off of his parents' blocks.

  • At 1:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    For months now I've been telling anyone who would listen how freakin' funny toddlers are! Here are some of Sam's ha ha moments:

    * Everytime we see a bug, Sam gets a tad scared and says 'no bug in the nose'. We couldn't figure out why he was so worried about bugs flying up his nose until I figured it out: he's confusing have 'boogers' in his nose and bugs up his nose....

    * Sam's very concerned about other's wellbeing and likes to re-enact when someone gets hurt:
    "Andrew hitting his head swing. Andrew cry (complete with fake cry waaahhh with eyes closed). Mama hug Andrew. Andrew better!"

    * The other day I picked him up from daycare with his face covered in markers (apparently it was the thing to do that day?) - Sam looked at me and straight away said "markers on face. Is very nice..."

    * He likes to "art direct" us in his colouring books. We've spent lots of time with Sam saying "now color eyes. Now colour mouth. Now colour flower" You ask him to colour and no....

    Man, I could go on forever. I keep telling myself I should write this stuff down to read when he's throwing a major tantrum....


  • At 10:14 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    A likes to say what she would like to hear you say. This means we get a lot of "I go get that for you," "Time to play now," and "Not time for last book." If that doesn't work, she tries commands: "Go get crayons for you right now."

    Every once in a while she melts my heart completely by exclaiming, "I like Mama!" with great enthusiasm.

    Also, she has already mastered the art of the fib. When I asked her who colored on her Lego bin with crayons, she blamed the babysitter. She totally cracks me up.

  • At 10:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ha! That "not time for last book" makes me want to share another one from this morning --- we've been trying to use the "in 5 minutes we're gonna leave the park" technique and I guess it's been sticking?

    At Kindergym today in front of a whole row of parents, I say to Sam "it's time to go now" to which he doesn't even look at me and says "in 5 minutes".

    I guess he told me who's boss.


  • At 12:21 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    i am totally loving the toddler phase. it's so much fun! nile has taken to calling nick & i by our first names. one of his favorite ways to begin a sentence is: "hey, nick!" and he cals me "lissa". it's adorable.

    he has also taken to saying "my oh god" (his interpretation of "oh my god"), and screeching "clean up big mess!!" whenever he spots a mess around the house. he even uses his little toy lawn mower to "vacuum" the carpet. i guess my anal tendencies are rubbing off on my poor child.

  • At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm loving having a toddler. Since I'm young a lot things I did as a teenager has managed to be passed to my son. "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, I wuv you...." (he ouckers his lips when he does this cause I used to - to play around) or my favorite when someone's not talking Damien will walk up and say "Shut up (name) talk too much" (I know shut up isn't nice but it's just something I passed byt accident.) But I have to say - the most amazing thing is the fact that my son can lose a car under the couch or something and he'll knwo where it is for like a week. I ask where he put his shoes two minutes earier and he has no clue..... NICE

  • At 8:20 PM, Blogger BrightBoy said…

    Your kid sounds hilarious. My sister is hysterical, and I love her to pieces.

    My favorite age is probably between one and two.

  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger Curious Desperate Housewife said…

    My toddler makes the fakest little laugh and when I say little, I don't mean in volume. It is annoying to the point of wanting to never point to anything funny again. On the other hand, when he actually laughs, it is like music to my ears.


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