Bored Housewives Network

Getting through the day, one bonbon at a time.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy New Year!

Happy 2006, fellow BHWs!

To ring in the new year, I wrote a post about learning how to parent when your own parents weren't so hot.

posted by Melissa @ 3:58 PM  

7 Comments:

  • At 9:26 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    Melissa, i totally relate to your fears. despite the fact that Nile is a happy baby, i am constantly worried that i am going to somehow "mess him up" because my own parents did a pretty bad job parenting myself and my sister. it seems that when you don't have that security as a part of your own history, you have to learn it..and it's difficult to trust that instinctively, you know how to be a good parent. i often come across other moms who had more secure / stable childhoods than i did & i'm always surprised (and slightly envious) at how calmly they approach parenting..i love being a mom but i also have a huge amount of anxiety attached to it because i want so much to do a good job. i guess we who didn't have idyllic childhoods realize how seriously that can impact you for the rest of your life. and that naturally would create some pressure & anxiety. i just don't want to mess my kid up!! i often find myself looking at nile's precious little face & hoping that he won't one day resent me (like i do my own parents)..and more importantly, that he'll look back on his childhood fondly.

     

  • At 3:48 AM, Blogger Cataclysm said…

    Hey Melissa,

    I'm up at 3:30 am because I couldn't sleep - our energetic dog Nova decided to let herself out for a walk, likely when I was bringing things in from the car tonight. People saw her on the drive but after hours of searching, incl Dop's husband, no luck. Thing is, it took us a while to even miss her.

    Now I'm 95% certain she'll be found tomorrow after I poster the drive - she's done this before - but I can't sleep thinking it could be Rian. What if when he starts walking he decides to set himself free? What would I do then? I can't even keep a dog safe.

    So I don't know the answer to your question - all I know is that kids even in the same family can have very different views of their upbringing. We could be the best parents on earth but A or Rian or whoever will still likely have issues of some kind - so maybe it just means something that you are concerned. You have a very honest approach to things and that could be the ticket...

    And the books can be useful! Rian cries as well when I pick him up from the babysitter too and I wondered what was going on!

    Take care, Kris

     

  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger landismom said…

    This is a great post, and it was very resonant for me. I have some similar issues, and I will say that it can be a terrific struggle to fight through them on some days.

    I made a vow to myself when I decided to have kids, that I would never--not ever--hit them for any reason. Because I was afraid that I would not be able to stop. Anger management was not one of those things that got taught in my family.

    It was a pretty good deal to make with myself, fwiw.

     

  • At 10:34 AM, Blogger Melissa said…

    Landismom, I agree totally. For us too, spanking or hitting is not an option.

    Kris, I hope so much that you find your dog soon!

    Melissa, I know what you mean--it seems like people who were raised in a more stable environment just "get" parenting more easily. I feel like we can still do a good job, it just might take a little more work!

     

  • At 2:04 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    This was a great post, Melissa.

    It's funny. A lot of people assume I had a conventionally happy childhood, when it was actually anything but. My parents -- and then my parents and step-parents -- all had rocky relationships, we moved a lot, and my siblings fought a lot. I just tended to keep my head down and avoid the fray.

    But.

    In all this, my mom was my touchstone. Even if she didn't have the greatest relationship skills and conventional parenting skills, she was always THERE and she was always consistent in her attention and affection. And she never yelled or hit. These are simple, obvious things, but they're HUGE in the kid universe.

    All this is by way of saying that I think you're right on target with your parenting. Just being a calm, consistent, positive presence -- in an otherwise chaotic world -- means a lot, and A will appreciate it someday.

     

  • At 5:48 PM, Blogger Cataclysm said…

    Well, Nova the dog is back - got turned in to the SPCA this morning (some woman took her in overnight thankfully).

    Still feel like a crap parent though... made me really appreciate that Rian is still immobile! Sitting nicely but not yet crawling. When he starts walking, I'll just have to tattoo his forehead "Reward if Found" and our address...

    The multitude of things that can go wrong to our dependants is truly staggering! Losing them, sickness, accidents! Oh man...

    Ackkk!

     

  • At 9:44 AM, Blogger Tammy said…

    I hear you, Kris. I recently found myself thinking about those toddler harness and leash contraptions with a more forgiving eye.

    And let me tell you something from the depths of my one week of experience: crawling is not a milestone you want to rush. Why must babies be so attracted to CORDS AND WIRES??? Why?????

    On a more positive note, I'll say again how happy I am that Nova's home safe and sound!

     

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