Bored Housewives Network

Getting through the day, one bonbon at a time.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

A Full Regimen

I've been absent for a bit because i'm currently feeling in-between mommy worlds. My little Henry just turned 11 months old and isn't crawling yet. He's also not standing, cruising, or pulling-up unless you really, really encourage him. My Pediatrician referred him to our state Early Intervention service when he was 9 months old and after a few weeks of scheduling wait, he was triple-teamed by a physical therapist, developmental therapist, and nutritionist. A few weeks later he received an assessment from an occupational therapist as well. He's now on a regimen of weekly PT visit and monthly developmental therapy and nutrionist's visits.

Because of all this we're not quite fitting in with the "my baby's in the range of normal" parents anymore and thankfully, because Henry's gross motor delays aren't huge, i don't feel completely comfortable in spaces designed for kids with delays.

All of this delay business has highlighted the emotional strain of parenting in a way that i hadn't yet realized. Foremost i worry about Henry. I want him to be able to have the mobility he wants, to not have movement be uncomfortable, and to not already be "checking" himself before he even turns one. From there, my emotions are like the swirly-paint masterpieces i created as a child. I'm grieving for the perfect vision I had of Henry and how he's not quite meeting it. I'm feeling selfish that even some small part of me is disappointed in him. I feel unhappy that he "can't be like all the other babies" and guilty that his delays are much milder than most and i'm still a basketcase. That leads to worry that i'm kidding myself-- that he's really much worse than i think. This is when i generally get tired and realize i need to go do something else and take my mind of all of this.

So i will. We're in the process of buying and selling our condo and moving into a new single-family house. This is completely exciting and exhausting, so at least i have ready diversions.


  • At 9:23 PM, Blogger Cataclysm said…

    Wow, not many speak what you've just written but I think we all feel it a bit! I'm there with you - in a sense, we're social beings so competition is part of our genetic make-up, couple that with those mega-parenting protective feelings! I must say when Dop's Sam was skootching at xmas and Rian didn't make any forward motion until a full 2 months later, I was wondering if Rian was going to let life pass him by without venturing out into it.

    Then when he did start going forward at 10 months, I was a little relieved but that's now been replaced by huge GUILT because I accidentally left the upstairs gate open once (he crawled past the open stairs to get to the bathroom) and then 2 days later left the basement door open! Like, what is wrong with me?!

    And I was thinking that maybe with Henry, you are just going through the guilt/disappointment/guilt earlier than most. I'm just starting to brace myself for a fair amount of disappointment with the toddler stage. Even now, the brief bouts of 'strong personality' aren't endearing!

    Anyway, selling houses is hugely stressful - the pressure to 'house doctor' and get the most $$ because your family's future depends on it...the greed, let's call it what it is... ack! Personally, I kinda like the buying stage but hate, hate, hate the selling!! GOOD LUCK!

    NB, don't try doing major renovations with a babe - we just renovated our kitchen and it was terrible trying to feed Rian in cafes while he looked around at everyone. Nearly starved him! Do the renovations before you move in!

  • At 5:35 AM, Blogger landismom said…

    I'm glad that you felt able to write this. I know that the times that I've felt 'not like all the other mothers,' it made a lot of difference to be able to talk/write/blog about it, and I hope that you will continue to be able to express anything you want to. And I'm glad that you've gotten him assessed early. I agree with Cataclysm and Karen--we all have moments of thinking, "why is my kid not like these other kids?" and then feeling guilty about it.

  • At 9:22 AM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Tamra, I totally feel for you. And just to second what Kris said, I think we've all been where you are to some degree. My own tendency is to try to stick my head in the sand and hope for the best (when I'm feeling generous with myself, I call this tendency "optimism" or "being philosophical"), but I've had serious worries about Sam in the past. Like for the first eight months of his life, when he just seemed so emotional and easily upset. I worried that I was doing something wrong or, worse, that he was born with behavioral problems. And now I sometimes worry about the fact that his fine motor skills seem way behind those of his same-age buddies, like Kris's Rian and Anne-Marie's Sam.

    I think it's so great that you've looked into early intervention programs for Henry. I don't know if I'd be brave enough to do that. (See above re: ostrich tendencies.) I don't know if you ever read but her daughter Leta had torticollis and didn't walk until she was almost two, with the help of an early intervention program and a physical therapist. Heather (aka Dooce) writes really eloquently about her fears throughout this process, and even though I don't believe this is a specific problem Sam is going to have, it really is, as Kris points out so insightfully, a symbol for all the things that we parents worry -- or will someday worry -- about.

    Anyway, I'll be crossing my fingers that things resolve for you with as little additional anxiety as possible.

    And Karen, thanks so much for the reality check! I can't tell you how much I need to hear reports from the real world every so often. Your post reminded me that I my very own self didn't speak till I was 18 months old. I also had gross motor skill delays and a speech impediment that required speech therapy. I also had to go to the doctor for weigh-ins every few months until I was five years old because I was such a runt. And look at me now! I'm practically normal-sized! I run! I was a gymnast! And I never shut up!


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