A Full Regimen

I've been absent for a bit because i'm currently feeling in-between mommy worlds. My little Henry just turned 11 months old and isn't crawling yet. He's also not standing, cruising, or pulling-up unless you really, really encourage him. My Pediatrician referred him to our state Early Intervention service when he was 9 months old and after a few weeks of scheduling wait, he was triple-teamed by a physical therapist, developmental therapist, and nutritionist. A few weeks later he received an assessment from an occupational therapist as well. He's now on a regimen of weekly PT visit and monthly developmental therapy and nutrionist's visits.

Because of all this we're not quite fitting in with the "my baby's in the range of normal" parents anymore and thankfully, because Henry's gross motor delays aren't huge, i don't feel completely comfortable in spaces designed for kids with delays.

All of this delay business has highlighted the emotional strain of parenting in a way that i hadn't yet realized. Foremost i worry about Henry. I want him to be able to have the mobility he wants, to not have movement be uncomfortable, and to not already be "checking" himself before he even turns one. From there, my emotions are like the swirly-paint masterpieces i created as a child. I'm grieving for the perfect vision I had of Henry and how he's not quite meeting it. I'm feeling selfish that even some small part of me is disappointed in him. I feel unhappy that he "can't be like all the other babies" and guilty that his delays are much milder than most and i'm still a basketcase. That leads to worry that i'm kidding myself-- that he's really much worse than i think. This is when i generally get tired and realize i need to go do something else and take my mind of all of this.

So i will. We're in the process of buying and selling our condo and moving into a new single-family house. This is completely exciting and exhausting, so at least i have ready diversions.