Bored Housewives Network

Getting through the day, one bonbon at a time.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Who says Bigger is Better?

I've been lamenting the size of my breasts pretty much since I hit puberty - they've always been far too big for my liking. I've just never been comfortable with them. I've always felt like they are getting in between me and every tank top, bathing suit, normal bra, or strapless dress I've ever wanted to wear. I don't mean to whine, but to be honest I've always felt a little bit cursed and limited by my ample bosom.

I'm 5' 2" with a pretty small frame, so, apart from my head, they're the biggest thing one me. I have always gotten alot of (unwanted) attention in that region. If it were up to me, I'd wave a magic wand, give myself a small B Cup and call it a day. For as long as I can remember, I've felt uncomfortable and unproportioned. Anyone who knows me well has no doubt listened to me complain about this topic more than once.

To add to my already battered self-image, my closest girlfriend, Michelle, has tiny boobs, so I spent many formative years observing her wearing anything she wanted, often bra-less. Again, don't mean to whine, but that was hard - It still is sometimes.

And it's not just about not being able to wear stuff. There's a major comfort factor, too. Having large breasts is just plain uncomfortable. Especially in the summertime.

I'm that girl who can't ever seem to find the right bra. I hate wearing a bra, but I'm far too large not to. I'm always tugging and pushing things around in there to re-adjust. And any bra that comes in my size is undoubtedly ugly. When I go to the gym I have to wear 2 sports bras. I have to buy my bathing suit top an bottom separately: S bottom, XL Top. You get the picture, I've got big boobs and they annoy me.

When I was in university I was a large D cup. Which at the time, I thought was huge.

When I was in my 20's I discovered a bra at Marks & Spencer called the "Minimizer", I bought one in every style and color. What a godsend. Thanks to that bra I was able to focus on something other than the size of my boobs for awhile. (By the way, M&S also carry the "Maximizer").

By the time I hit my 30's I'd pretty much made peace with my body.

And then I got pregnant.

At first I was optimistic, I thought, "There's no way that they'll get bigger, they're already big enough to feed 4 babies, why would they get bigger?". But then, against all reason, they began to grow. Just a little bit at first - I went from a D cup to DD. "This is fine," I thought. " I'm pregnant. it's natural. I can handle this". But it didn't stop there. Next, I had to buy a pack of bra extenders in order to squeeze myself into the DD. Then I switched to sports bras. Then I had to buy a big ole Bravado bra that comes in M, M+, and M++, as opposed to normal sizes. It was official, I was off the charts, I'd graduated from the world of conventional bra sizing.

But it wasn't until I gave birth and I found myself busting out of an F cup that I truly hit rock bottom. That's where I am now. I'd really like to trust nature & trust that my body knows what it's doing. But something just doesn't feel right here. There's not a day that goes by that I don't daydream of having smaller boobs. And on my most extreme days, I daydream of plastic surgery. Trouble is, I don't really want to do anything that extreme. Plus I'd like to have more kids and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize being able to nurse them.

These breasts make me feel like the frumpy Queen. I've resigned myself to wearing huge, shapeless tops and strategically places scarves in order to conceal my ailment. I had to go to my husband's formal Christmas work party last night. I wore a poncho.

I know I really should be grateful that they are healthy & bountiful breasts instead of focusing on their size. But that's easier said than done. I'm really bummed out. I spend alot of time wondering what they'll look like when I'm done nursing. Whether they'll get smaller. Whether I'll always feel this deformed.

And perhaps the cruelest irony is that since I'm nursing, each day affords me countless opportunities to gaze upon / gawk at my bigger-than-F cups and think, "What I wouldn't give to have my D cups back".

This is my favorite thing to rant about. Sorry it's so long. But to tell the truth, it could have been much longer.


  • At 3:59 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Ha! That cracked me up, Melissa.

    I'm kind of in a similar-but-opposite boat. Since getting pregnant I've gone from hardly giving my boobs a thought to thinking about them all the time. (Before I go any further, I have to confess that I was one of those happy, carefree barely-B-cup chicks. Don't hate me!)

    When I got pregnant and my boobs got a bit bigger, I thought that was cool in a novel kind of way. Then they kept getting bigger (though, admittedly, not in the same league as yours), and I was not that cool with it. I couldn't figure out how to dress and had no idea how to work cleavage into my look. And in the back of my mind I was terrified (and still am) of what my boobs would look like when I was done nursing. I've seen a few small-chested former breastfeeders, and nature was not kind. The term "pancake boobs" comes to mind.

    I realized how much I'd taken my tiny boobs for granted, and I realized belatedly that I might never see them again. And like you, Melissa, I've been somewhat seriously thinking of surgery down the road (not augmentation, but just a "lift" to tighten things up; I don't care if my boobs end up even smaller than they were before).

    Does this make me shallow? I'm not a person who usually fusses about her appearance, and it's not like I have some narrow idea of what constitutes female beauty. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin.

    My husband is no help in giving me a second opinion. He's happy with my boobs no matter what size... but by his own admission, he's never met a boob he didn't like.

  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    doppelgangr, YOU crack me up. you should write a book. i'd buy it. your writing is such a pleasure to read. i mean it!! ox

  • At 4:49 PM, Blogger Cataclysm said…

    I knew someone like you - a Newfie girl - who was tiny tiny tiny except for big boobs! She said the best day of her life was her reduction, even better than her wedding! Its a whole other world of back pain, uncomfy bras, clothing issues... we hear your pain...

  • At 5:51 PM, Blogger landismom said…

    Yeah, I'm a big-chested woman, and I feel your pain. Although the rest of me is pretty big too, so it's not just my cup size that's depressing, but the whole thing.

  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger Tallis Ford said…

    I had an acquaintence that followed excactly your size path when pregnant and nursing. Her partner referred to them as the "H Bombs" which of course doesn't help you seriously deal with the real issues, but might give you a chortle next time you bring one on to feed your little kipper.

  • At 7:28 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    Bizarre how we give our bodies over without a thought, isn't it? I don't have your same problem, but I too fear what my boobs will look like when the breastfeeding is over. I'm thinking very, very floppy. I never worried much about them (I was a C cup before baby), but now when they're not full of milk they seem kind of saggy and sad. But I didn't get any stretch marks, so I guess pregnancy has to leave its mark in some way.

  • At 2:08 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    Tamra, so, in response to you're "H Bomb"comment (very funny, by the way!) do your friend's boobs look now that she's not nursing??

    i'm holding out hope that mine might shrink & end up smaller than they ever were to begin with. thus resolving all my issues. i don't mind if they're droopy (lets face it, they're going to be droopy!) i'd just love for them to be smaller!!

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger Tallis Ford said…


    I haven't seen her in awhile but from what i remember they went back to about the same size but were more stretched out-- i think that's probably the standard path for them to take post breast-feeding.

  • At 10:36 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    I am a D or double D, depending on the bra. I haven't had kids yet, but I am telling you, I am wondering how big CAN they possibly get? It's hard enough to find a bra now. I have had male attention my entire life, I am used to it, and I hada male friend who used to say "Will you breast feed my kids?" and another who said "Promise me that If I get into a car accident and I am dying, I can see your boobs once before I die. That's all I want."


    So I totally feel your pain. I have found that Fredericks of Hollywood makes way better "big" bras than Victoria's Secret. Every time VS gets one I like, they discontinue it.


  • At 9:54 PM, Blogger BARRY GRAHAM said…

    how worthless to describe your breasts without showing us a nice pic. thats simply rude.

    oh well, i'm a nice guy so of course i forgive. stay beautiful and god bless.



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