Introduction
Hi everyone,
Doppelganger invited me to join - I look forward to meeting all of you. New to blogging, but not to the idea of good fellowship with likeminded souls. There is one disclaimer that I hope does not get me booted out - I'm not a SAH housewife. My husband stays home with our two boys. And please note that if I hear one more time how lucky I am that he does that, I will scream. If it were me at home doing that work, no one would give it a second thought. When people (especially women, for some reason) hear that he stays home and "keeps house" they practically throw their panties on the front steps.
Anyway, know that there's another out here listening to you daily, latte in hand, loving every post.
Doppelganger invited me to join - I look forward to meeting all of you. New to blogging, but not to the idea of good fellowship with likeminded souls. There is one disclaimer that I hope does not get me booted out - I'm not a SAH housewife. My husband stays home with our two boys. And please note that if I hear one more time how lucky I am that he does that, I will scream. If it were me at home doing that work, no one would give it a second thought. When people (especially women, for some reason) hear that he stays home and "keeps house" they practically throw their panties on the front steps.
Anyway, know that there's another out here listening to you daily, latte in hand, loving every post.
posted by White Trasherati @ 10:33 AM
11 Comments:
At 10:47 AM,
Joanne said…
Good for you, sister. I have to admit, when I first read that your husband stayed home, I thought, how lucky. Rest assured, as I read on, I smacked myself! But I have to say, I think if people don't tell my husband that he's lucky that I stay home with our boy, they should. Because he is lucky. This is, in many ways, the WORST job I ever had. Mostly, I joke, because my boss is SUCH a DICK! But in many other ways, it's great, blah blah blah, lucky me. Anyway, I'm glad to read all of y'all.
At 11:08 AM,
Anne-Marie said…
Welcome!
The one time hubby stayed home with baby (7 months) for a 6 hour period while I was out, the only thing he had to say at the end of the day was 'wow, taking care of him is really monotonous'. At the very least, it got to realize that it's not all giggles and laughter which is why at the end of the day when he gets home I usually run out for some alone time and a latte. Funny how lattes are some prominent in your life once you have a baby... I swear they're the only thing that keeps me sane... Luckily there's no shortage of coffee shops in the neighbourhood. I try to make the rounds so as to not look completely dependent on caffeine.
At 11:42 AM,
Tallis Ford said…
As long as we're coming clean, i'm not a SAH mom either, and my boy is in day-care to boot (Quelle Horreur!) I do work from home because my office is in another state but with me constantly on conference calls and leading "webcasts" having a baby around that's more than 3 weeks old (and constantly asleep) isn't really a viable working option. DH* is a lawyer so he works traditional lawyerly hours. The truth is that i love my job and "working outside the home, from home." The dirty secret is that when we were deep in the post-partum depression, screaming colic days, i seriously considered going back early just to get away from it all. The dirtier secret is that i can't even say in hind-sight i'm glad i didn't. Honestly it didn't get a whole lot better until we hit some magic 3.5 month threshold and then i was slightly torn about going back to work two weeks later. But enough, how sneaky of me to bury all my dirty laundry in a comment to someone else's post.
*Does someone here have a better suggestion for a short reference to our significant others? DH is the short-hand i've picked up from the messageboard i check (Dear Husband) but it just makes me want to gag. His name is short enough but since i've already revealed my name and my son's name i feel like i should protect someone's identity in our family. Finally, the word hubby and almost anything that ends in why gives me shivers for some undetermined reason.
At 11:44 AM,
Tallis Ford said…
hmm, i just re-read my post and realize it made it sound like i did abandon my boy before my maternity leave was up. That's not the case, it's just that when i think back on having those thoughts i don't feel bad about it at all.
At 12:53 PM,
Joanne said…
I wouldn't feel better either. Today I was talking to my sister about a weekend trip that my husband wants to take and I said, "I don't want to leave the baby. I mean, I do want to leave the baby, for like six months, but I don't get to". I question my decision to stay home nearly every day and when the babe was younger? Like 10-12-14 weeks and screaming at me for HOURS at a time? I really, really thought about leaving him then, and I don't feel bad about it, why would I? Who would want to be around such an awful companion? Now, of course, he's older, and it's all laughs and giggles and much easier to take. Kind of.
At 1:37 PM,
Tammy said…
Heh. I'm loving all the buried-in-the-comments confessions. I'll add my own:
Before having Sam, I had a job that many people would envy and a kick-ass, thriving career. And I don't miss it AT ALL. I'd be happy to be a stay-at-home mom forever. So I've utterly betrayed my feminist roots. And looking at all our confessions piled together really hammers home the fact that if you're a mom, you're fucked no matter what choices you make. There's always going to be someone out there (including maybe yourself) who thinks you're making the wrong decision.
What I HATE is the approving look I get from some people when I tell them I'm hoping not to go back to work. Ugh. First, I'm not looking for anyone's approval, and second, my choice happens to work for me, but it might not work for everyone. Stop assuming all mothers must be the same! It's insulting!
Tamra asked:
"Does someone here have a better suggestion for a short reference to our significant others?"
I call mine Rusty (short for Rusty Iron, the joke porn-star nickname he gave himself for his own online use). Sometimes I also refer to him as The Mister. Or The Piece of Ass I Keep on the Side. But that's probably too long for regular use.
I'd just invent a nickname for him (or get him to come up with one). Generally the context will let people know you're talking about your partner.
At 1:50 PM,
White Trasherati said…
Okay, whew...we're all normal. Glad we cleared that one up. I love Piece of Ass I Keep On the Side, but will probably shorten it to the acronym Poaikots : )
I steal all Doppelganger's good naming conventions.
At 3:53 PM,
Anne-Marie said…
hhhmmm... I am having the opposite issue it seems. Before (my) Sam was born, I was working in a dull job at a dull hotel - in sales - ack! Put it this way, I got pregnant the 1st month I started work there... So, all this time I've been telling people when they ask if I'm going back 'hell no!' but you know, the stress of finding new (part time) work is getting to me and now I'm wondering if I just need to buck up and accept my shitty, soul-crushing corporate job when really, if we had the $ (which unfortunately is lacking due to hub's freelance work...), I would also LOVE to stay at home. I've said it before - I just love to putter and really, so far it's been 7 months of puttering. Hang out in pj's, drinking lots of coffee, going to the park and maybe picking up some food for dinner.
My main dilemna is trying to rid myself of the worry that 'others' may think I'm making the 'wrong' decision by maybe taking a not-so-corporate job and hey - maybe going back to waitressing? Hell, great money, part time hours AND I'm good at it damnit! Is it more important for me to be a mom right now or to climb the freakin' corporate ladder??? I never even wanted to be on the ladder. At this point, I can't imagine myself waking up every morning and putting on my suit and heels and going off to work, pretending I care if you stay at my hotel or book your corporate party in our ballroom. I'd rather stay at home, practice making spit bubbles and chase around the little one...
At 4:14 PM,
landismom said…
Hell, I'm not a SAHM either. Like Tamra, I'm a WAHM with kids in daycare (well, one is school-aged, one in daycare).
And I hear you on the "lucky" thing. My MIL told me recently that I was lucky that my dh (also known as landisdad, not a helpful suggestion for others, I realize) does all the cooking. I told her, "Luck had nothing to do with it. I chose well."
At 12:27 PM,
Tammy said…
White Trasherati said:
"I love Piece of Ass I Keep On the Side, but will probably shorten it to the acronym Poaikots."
Oh my god, I'd love it so much if you used that, WT. Not that that should guide your decision, but I'm just sayin'.
landismom said:
"My MIL told me recently that I was lucky that my dh (also known as landisdad, not a helpful suggestion for others, I realize) does all the cooking. I told her, "Luck had nothing to do with it. I chose well."
Me, too! I always knew that if I ever settled down, it'd have to be with someone who cooks. I like to cook, but only from time to time, as an amusing hobby. From what I understand, eating needs to be a daily occurrence in order to sustain human life. (Actually, I cooked real dinners four nights out of five this past week, and you wouldn't believe how much I was bragging about it to anyone who would listen.)
I think I'm a pretty good mom, but I'm a TERRIBLE housewife.
At 4:34 PM,
Melissa said…
Yay, secret confessions!
Tamra, I could not agree with you more that "DH" is gagworthy. When I got pregnant, I was so astonished at the syrupy codewords used on many pregnancy/mom websites. My favorite was "BD" (babydancing, or as normal people would refer to it, HAVING SEX) and the fact that all these grown women were referring to their vaginas as "down there" or "hoo-has." I don't have a good suggestion for an alternative, unfortunately.
That's a great point about you being "lucky" that your husband stays home. I do feel lucky to be able to stay home (the cost of living is insane here and many people just can't live on one income), and I think my husband does too. I never had much of a career and am more interested in hanging out with my girl. Which is not to say that it's an easy job by any means.
I'm also a much better mom than housewife, but C and I are both fine with that. If I say I got nothing done on a certain day, he'll say, "You raised our daughter today, that's all that counts." From what I hear from the other women in my mom's group, that attitude is more rare than you'd think.
Post a Comment
<< Home