Bored Housewives Network

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Thank somewhere or other for little girls

Today my daughter Finn informed me that she hates the way I walk. "Why do you have to wiggle your bum like that? It's embarrassing."

Of course, she said this in front of a group of people as we stood at the bus stop. My first reaction was to get very mad, but people were watching. So, I smiled sweetly and asked her what she meant by that because that's what you're supposed to do if you're a good mother - encourage your precious little gift to express herself.

"You walk like a sexy lady. You should walk more like me." She then stomped around a little bit to demonstate. "See? That's not all sexy."

I had to hand it to her - she definitely didn't look sexy. With the stiff walk, the blond hair and blue eyes and very severe expression you had more of a Hitler Youth air about her. An older gent smiled at her and then looked at me shaking his head with obvious amusement. Finn sensed a grown-up ally and so upped her game. She sashayed around the bus stop bench, playing to the crowd and trilling, "Ooh look at me! I'm mommy and I like to wiggle my bum!" Several people laughed outright.

I explained to her (in a commendably even tone) that when girls become women their hips change a bit and they walk with a more circular motion. That it has nothing to do with being sexy and that it isn't very nice to make fun of someone for the way they walk.

"Oh mom, shaking your bum is not a disability."

Then the bus came. We boarded and she immediately forgot the whole conversation. I was denied the rebuttal I had yet to come up with. She was pointing out a dog on the street and a woman with the same handbag as me. I was destroyed, humilated and really, really annoyed and she was chirping away and holding my hand, happy as a lark.

Little girls are scary creatures.


  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger landismom said…

    Ohh, the embarassing public conversations I've had with my daughter! How come I never have those brilliant parenting moments where I figure out how to talk about nuclear war in front of other people? How come it always has to be "Mom, why are you fat?"

  • At 9:10 PM, Blogger Joie de Vivre said…

    LOL. I had to read it twice before I realized Finn is your child. Thanks for reminding me of reason #204 why I'm not having kids: karma. My child would find a topic to rival the conversation I had in the grocery line with my mom when I was pre-teen "Mom, why are your nose hairs so long. You should really trim them." or something along those insanely inappropriate lines.

  • At 12:15 AM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Oh sweet mother of jesus, that made me laugh so hard. Coincidentally, just a couple of days ago I thought I'd heard the funniest story about a kid saying the darnedest thing, when someone posted this on my site:

    And all I can say is, if you think your toddler is tough, wait until he's four and decides to ask you loudly, in a public restroom stall, "Mommy, did an elephant grab your penis?"

    Your story has already trumped this one. Author! Author!

  • At 3:49 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    holy crap! that's hilarious. i would have died! you handled that very, very well! good work, mamma.

  • At 6:52 PM, Blogger Melissa said…

    I thought the girls didn't turn on their moms until the teen years! Now I'm scared.

    This reminds me of something that happened to some friends of mine. The dad was sitting at a table in a restaurant while his wife and 4-year-old daughter were using the bathroom. The daughter came into the dining area first, saw her dad across the room, and yelled, "Hey, Daddy! I just pooped!" The dad said something like "Oh, great!" while the other diners chuckled. Then, just as the mom entered the dining area, the daughter yelled, "And so did mommy!"

    Ah, it's so hilarious until it happens to you.

  • At 11:02 PM, Blogger Tammy said…

    Oh my god. I'm still laughing out loud at your story, Melissa. It really is hilarious until it happens to you.

  • At 8:52 AM, Blogger Diane Viere said…

    Yes--the unsolicited comments from our children...keep us all humble! You took an ordinary moment--however, and taught your daughter a valuable lesson. That is what mommy-ing is all about--it's really not about's about preparing them for life!



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